I sit and watch the petals fall…

I used to have a hard time with the holiday season.  From November 1st thru January 1st, I had pretty much spent it counting the days till January 2nd.  It was a time when loneliness was at its worst, when I hated being alone and not have a huge family that loved me to celebrate with.

I grew up with a huge family, so every Thanksgiving and Christmas was always a big family get-together.  When I got to be a young adult and married, that added to more family gatherings.  But as I got older and more restless and depressed, those family get-togethers started to become a chore, something done out of obligation, where love was no longer a reason.  The season was no longer magical, no longer a time to smile, no longer a time to celebrate. It meant more demands, more stress, more pretending that everything was okay, more emptiness. In 2010 when I got divorced and the trauma occurred soon after, the misery of the holiday season deepened.

In November 2013 I felt inspired to do a painting with a lamppost, showing a light on a lonely path. During that time I was reminded of a song I would hear often as a child, called “Life and Breath” by Johnny Mathis. (My mom was a fan, so we heard a lot of JM). The second verse of the song always stood out to me: “I’d buy your favorite flowers from the lady down the street, and hurry to the corner where we always used to meet.  But night after night, I sit and watch the petals fall…”  After hearing the song, I HAD to incorporate that into a painting!  A true depiction of the season for me…melancholy and loneliness, yet a sense of nostalgia for yesteryears and a hope for love.

By the way, as of 2015 I no longer dread the holiday season…I embrace it! Its a time to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, a time to be grateful for my wonderful sons and the family/friends who actually do love me. Its better to do less with peace than more with stress.

Petals Fall

I sit and watch the petals fall…by Anne Christian

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9 thoughts on “I sit and watch the petals fall…

  1. Anne, it warmed my heart when I read that as of 2015 You no longer dread but rather embrace the holiday season! Truly celebrating the Birth of JESUS with Your heart and soul is clearly shown in the LOVE You freely give to Your 2 sons as well as to Your family and friends!! I’m Happy for You!!! GOD’S SPEED in Your New Venture!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is So Heartwarming and So Beautiful Ann. It truly Touched my Spirit, because I have felt this way for many years up until this last year, it wasn’t so bad. I Lost a son at 3 and it just grab my Soul, where it had been so empty I Thank God for John my soulmate, he would be 26 this last year. Thank you for sharing your Stories, they are very encouraging and Uplifting. And I look forward to many more, Thank you again Tina.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tina I am so sorry for the loss of your son, I can’t imagine how it would be to lose one of my sons. I am glad this post touched your heart, and that 2015 was a bit easier for you to deal with. I really appreciate you reading this, take care!

    Like

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